Scottish Oatmeal Boobs

I have lumpy breasts. Yes, I do. My breasts are so lumpy... How lumpy are they?

They are so lumpy, they've been compared to Scottish oatmeal. The lumps are so large, they've used them to bounce messages to the space shuttle.

I know you're thinking "Geez Asthmagirl! Why are you telling us this?"

Because... Let me tell you a story.... Back when I first got asthma I had some bizarre notion that I could ride my bike enough that it would go away... mostly. This was foolish and Dr. M told me to get over myself. However I was a bit of a bike fanatic for a while. I cruised bike websites, I fantasized about riding my bike from Seattle to Portland. I was a nut.

About a year after one diagnosis, I found a rather large lump in my breast. I believe the term is HAL (Huge Ass Lump). It turned out to be a cyst, which we only figured out after I failed two mammograms and an ultrasound. The discovery process took about 2 weeks that first time, and was littered with ugly conversations between myself and TOG regarding my remaining time on the planet. We did not know what the outcome of all the tests would be and while you hope the techs will look at their machines and say... "it's nothing". The truth is they don't know either. And then they tell you what it is and you get it drained ("OW") and the bruise heals and life goes on until you fail the next mammogram, etc. Now I have to have my mammo's downtown at Cancer Care. That is where everything happens in real time and if a lump is found, it's dealt with pronto. Going there is an eye opener. You feel like a fraud. You want to explain to people in the hallways about your oatmeal boobs and the HAL because many of the folks you see are VERY ill. 

On a side note: I've tried to make boob smashing appts. elsewhere and apparently they put a tracking device in your boobs that lets the folks on the other end of the phone know about your oatmeal boobs... "Oh, I'm sorry, you have HAL. You need to be seen downtown". Crap. This last year I had 4 HAL's. I won't even tell you how that resolved... Let's just say it together "OW"!

I spoke with my beloved aunt about this (Hi AC!) and she said she had Scottish boobs also. The unfortunate thing is she also had Breast Cancer two years ago. Although there's no link between lumpy boobs and cancer, I do worry especially since AC has adult onset asthma as well. We're chest buddies!

The reason that I'm telling you all this is because one of the websites I used to absorb daily was Fatty's. Fatty started cycling to lose weight. Fatty could ride a lot further than I could. Fatty was funny. He understood how two cyclists lie to each other about how they're not tired and could ride much further. I loved Fatty. I tried some of the rides he'd been on and they kicked my butt. Then Fatty moved away to Utah. I found Fatty this last week and I learned that Fatty's wife, Susan had Scottish breasts also. Unfortunately, Fatty's wife has been fighting breast cancer for 4 years now and things look pretty tough right now. If you could go to Fatty's site and leave her some love, I know they'd appreciate it.

Asthmagirl out!

PS ~ if you've been putting off the boob smashing, please look into it. I love to joke about my Scottish boobs, but I get them smashed whenever the boob guys tell me to....just to be safe.

Comments

[Mental P Mama]

OW. Everyone should be as diligent as you are...going to see the fat guy.

[annbb]

I'm 8 months late getting myself smashed. I'm on the phone now making an appointment. Thank you for the nudge AG! I used to go to fatty's site all the time and lost track of him. Last time i was there, his wife was doing ok - I'm sorry to hear things have gotten bad again. I'll go visit him now.
Again, thanks for the reminder, and may all your smashings result in smashing good news!

[Ok, Where Was I?]

Well there's probably a website--you know the kind--out there devoted to oatmeal boobs. And yes, I'm saying many ow's with you here (at the thought of it).

[Sally]

Not to squeem you out or anything, but my friend's sister had SOBs, too, but also their mom had breast cancer yeeeers ago (she's fine now). Sister had a prophylactic double mastectomy because she was tired of the mashing/cyst draining/fear cycle. Biopsies of one came back looking funky...like, pre-cancerous. She now is totally relieved she had it done, despite the drains, despite the copious antibiotics, pain, the "training boobs" put in between mastectomy & reconstruction. I truly hope yours doesn't ever come to that, & you are a smart & fierce woman to stay on top of things. Wish I could hold your hand or bring you tea or something....

[Tracy]

I have Scottish Boobs as well. I am still young enought hat the docs have not asked me to get mine smooshed yet. I hate trying to see if I have any "new" lumps. I do it every month though.... and can never really tell anything...

[Amy]

I heard a few months ago the new recommended age for first mammograms is 35--do you know if that's true? I'm still a few years away but want to be sure I've got the right age!

This is a good thing you're doing---I'm going over to your friend right now.

[Stacie]

My thoughts go out to Fatty and his wife. Dealing with HAL is no fun (and I don't mind one bit that you borrowed that name!) The fear and dark thoughts that go through your head...no fun. Sometimes I wish I had been born a boy..first my uterus turned on me, and now the girls..what's next?
Sheesh! as if the lungs turning on me wasn't bad enough! LOL
Stacie

[Queen Of Planet Hotflash]

I come from a family of women with Scottish Boobs,as a matter of fact Tater my youngest girl child had a cyst removed last year from her right side as a precaution , the Dr. assured us that it wasn't cancerous. I do my regular boob squish same time every year.

[David]

Most mornings would not be complete without hot oatmeal with apples and cinnamon, some days I will slice up whatever fruit is around.
After reading this mornings may take on a new approach.
Great post, but jeez can you work on a different food group for a name?

[noble pig]

That is a great name and puts a soft side on a very serious subject. Good for you in your diligence. It takes a lot to face it right on, others don't go to the boob smasher often enough.

[Katie]

I just had a HAL and a quarter of one of my Scottish boobs removed. Not. fun. And I'm not even 25 yet.

Thank you for reminding everyone how important the boob smashing is. And if you're under 40, you should do the monthly exams, because it is only from a monthly exam that I found my HAL which ended up being pre-cancerous and if left there would likely have become malignant.

Glad to know mine aren't the only lumpy ones.

[Flea]

I'm 40 and overdue for a smashing. Thanks for the reminder. Well, not really "thanks". Ugh. But thanks.

[Snooty Primadona]

I have the Scottish Oatmeal Boobs as well and hate going to get my boobs smashed. But since a friend was diagnosed with cancer last year, I force myself to go. But I still hate it.