Yonder!

Off to Eastern Washington today for a conference. I wish it were going to be warm and sunny in the high desert, but it will probably be just a tad warmer and showers instead of out and out rain!

Taking the camera of course, and hoping for some photo time along with all the conferencing!

Missing The Old Goat, K3 and the Brute Squad already!

See you soon!

AG out!

Heroics

K3 is very interested in anime. Fiercely so.

When we did K2's photo shoot for graduating nursing school last year, K3 was all about the 'hero pose'. As a non-anime afficianado, this looks pretty unflattering... just a lot of unsmiling, over the shoulder and, if uncropped, butt shots. But it made her happy.

However, in real life, K3 is very much a hero. Going from someone who hated the very thought of seeing a doctor, taking a pill or discussing the possibility of maybe, possibly, potentially seeing blood, following her accident last year, she has risen above her fears, disability and all. She may not like those things, but she's able to negotiate (is this a shot or a surgery and how much will it hurt?), reason (at least it's not another bone graft!) and rationalize (so it's only an hour in the dental chair but then I get to go home?).

Last Friday, we went to the dentist for her final impressions to build what we're calling her store-bought teeth. She still won't go back to the dentist chair without me, but she sat through all the rigamarole. And I think her reconstructive dentist finally "got" her in all her glory.

How do I know? As we were walking out, he called her name and asked "I wonder if you're too old?" Then, apparently deciding, he guided her to the Surprise Basket! As she dug through Sponge Bob Squarepants stickers and other fabulous items, the office manager held out a small stuffed dog, in a Chihuahua sweater! K2 pretended to consider it but her eyes were gleaming and she decided to take it home.

As she held it on the drive home, she declared that it will be her Dental Dog. And apparently it will be returning with her when she comes back to get her store-bought teeth bolted into her jaws.

I am still required to escort her though. A hero can only do so much without her side kick!

AG out!

Good Morning!

Mount Rainier says "Good Morning!"

That was from yesterday morning. Sadly, this morning is far too foggy for such a great shot.

Last week, my boss and I met with a foundation regarding expanding our services to people with disabilties. It went well. That foundation usually commits at the time of the meeting, but we asked them for a little more than we usually do and they indicated they'd like to see how we are recieved by our other two potential funders before they commit to a grant.

Last night my boss and I did a presentation to a community panel for about half of the funds. It went extremely well. They didn't even have questions, just compliments on our application and our reputation.

With one more foundation to go, I'm starting to feel kind of confident about the viability of pulling all the funding together. Its projects like this that remind me of how much I love my job... especially the opportunity to do good in the world and help some of our most vulnerable citizens.

Wishing you a lovely day... especially my friends on the east coast who are socked in by snow. Stay warm!

AG out!

Beauty

With the Apple TV, I can view my Flickr account on the big screen. I looked back at our yellowstone pictures the other night. This shot stuck out. The cloud formation right before the thunderstorm hit us was just so pretty.

Today I'm meeting with a foundation about a grant for our agency. It would allow us to help more people with disabilities. I am particularly hopeful!

Wishing you a fabulous Friday!

AG out!

The Event - closing the loop

I uploaded all the pictures from my camera to my computer at work, so I don't have any here. But I saw these shots this morning in another folder and processed a couple of them. This is August at the pier. I think I was fiddling with the temperature setting on the camera and I ended up taking what could only be called The Blue Series!

I know my blogging took a dive leading up to the event. There was just no way I could keep up. I do want to say that the auction was a success on many levels. There was quite a bit more work to do this year as we made changes to the event such as online ticketing that required daily monitoring and updating. Our new auctioneer also required significantly more information than our last one and while grueling, it definitely played into a more successful outcome!

For me, the auction was more then just a task for work. On a personal level, it resonated that the population my agency serves includes people exactly like my little K3. On a regional level, it paralleled the budget cuts my state is making in order to to align spending with falling revenues. Unfortunately, my state does not protect disability services from budget cuts, so as budgets tighten, disability services take an inevitable hit. For people with disabilities it means that some may no longer receive services and that new enrollees may be qualified but not given services due to reduced funding. It is also possible that some disability agencies may not survive upcoming cuts (not us) and other agencies (us) may be asked to serve their clients.

Having painted a gloomy picture, I want to tell you that we raised almost $65,000 at the auction! If you played a part of that, thank you, thank you!

I have had one person ask me and yes, if you wish to make a donation, you may. Please don't consider that you should or must. Giving should be from the heart and goodness knows there are so many in need right now. But if you are interested, message me and I will happily tell you how.

I am still recovering mentally from the auction and can't believe the holidays are upon us. Are you ready this year? Feeling the groove? I'm not quite there yet!

AG out!

The last one...

Earlier this year I got several calls from K3's "after high school" program asking me for information on how to work with her. At the time, I was a little frustrated because it seemed like they had no clue that she even had disabilities and yet they'd had her for a year and seen the accident right in front of the school. I called back after the last conversation because I wanted to ask some additional questions. I spoke with the teacher I always spoke with after K3's accident. Oh... she couldn't speak to me about that. I'd have to talk to the main teacher. I was told when she'd be in. I called and she wasn't. I left a message. I got a very polite "we're not really at liberty to discuss details with you. We will call you if we have additional questions" message back.

Of course I stewed at TOG and he thought perhaps I was being too forward and we ought to see how things went. So I stepped back.

This week, K3 told her main teacher about the testing we completed. I assume the teacher pumped her for information and got K3's "Well, I know my brain works differently than anyone else's" response. So the teacher tells her that she has an IEP meeting for K3 this week and she'd like me to attend. Would K3 invite me? And they could work it around my schedule...

TOG and I both get the irony that we weren't even invited to K3's IEP meeting last year. And we know the only reason I'm invited now is so they can get details on K3's diagnosis. And that would be a little more understandable if they hadn't so thoroughly blown me off a few months ago when I tried to help.

I'm feeling a little bitter.

And since it's their last 9 months with her before she ages out of the school system, I'm not clear on the benefit of disclosing information to them. I don't think they'll do anything different.

But it's the last IEP I'll ever do for K3, so I'll be as pleasant as possible. And besides, Karma is a bitch, and as we start our next process I've got similar meetings coming up with the Division of Developmental Disabilties.

Sigh...

AG out!

Preparation F

The above picture is Mount Rainier. And I took it while I was on an errand for work. And it is the lead in for the next installment in our Preparation week! in this case; Preparation F, in which F is for Fundraiser.

Last year I was in charge of the fundraiser. Afterwards, my boss told the team that one person could not know everything and that even though I would again be in charge, we were delegating specific duties next year. Which we did. But when people don't (for a variety of reasons, some very legitimate) meet their obligations, the work still has to be done... some of it is time sensitive.

So this year is much like last year in that regard. However, one of our improvements was hiring an ace auctioneer who has spent much of the year coaching us, doing work groups and dispensing huge portions of her auctioneer's "manifesto" which are timeless and will be useful for years to come!

The auction is now 7 weeks out. I confess that once I cross the border into my office, it is very much like getting sucked into a swirling vortex of marketing, contacts, sponsorship wooing (or blackmailing), donation wrangling and spreadsheet tracking. Each day, I hope for a stable server and no tech issues because there is still so much to be done for the auction.

So if you notice me lagging (as I have been) on my blogging, or if I haven't commented daily on your blog (guilty) please know that it is because I no longer have spare time. At lunch. I close my door and try to scarf down whatever I've brought and hope for 5 minutes to listen to my messages before someone pounds on my door wanting to know what color the table cloths will be (red) or how many coffee baskets we have (7) or if there are ladders at the facility (there are) or whether their guy's donation has shown up yet (it hasn't).

So yes, I'm deeply involved in Preparation F and still hoping to hit all my goals. If anyone wants to see the auction website or peek at the hotsheet, email me seperately!

Yours in auction wrangling...

AG

Letting go (or not)

One of my favorite shots (above) of a girl and my her dog. While I've been doing a lot photography for work, I haven't had "fun" with my camera in a while. Shots like this remind me that I need to quit leaving it in my car and bring it in at night.

I haven't been putting much into the blog recently. While there's a lot going on right now, I'm trying to be mindful of K3's privacy and just gloss over the surface.

Testing with the autism clinic has begun, and we sat through a 2 hour intake session last week where we discussed her disability and it's impact in detail. Over all, I like the psychologist. She doesn't quite "get" K3 yet (who would after only two hours?) but she was sensitive throughout the session and went out of her way to make K3 feel really comfortable with the process.

In the meantime, K3 and I continue to try to find the balance in other areas of her life. There has been talk of doing things she has not done before and I find myself really wrestling with decisions. On the one hand, I want her to do the things she's capable of doing, and on the other...  I want to keep her safe. And yes, I'm still examining the decisions around letting her ride the bus last year and the accident. I know I'm not to blame directly, and I'm not sure I could have prevented it ultimately (it might just have occured in a different time or place) but my gut told me "no" and yet I wanted her to grow, to have the opportunity. So I said yes even though I had significant misgivings. Sigh...

That doesn't mean I can swing the pendulum the other way and allow my "gut" to be my guide. My gut would love to keep her safely in the house where supposedly, all would be well!

It does mean that I'm wrestling with basic decisions that concern K3 much more. And it's not just the accident... there was an incident a few weeks ago where a young lady (similar to K3) was killed by a neighbor boy that she knew. It's hard not to project that onto K3. It's harder still to talk to K3 about safety awareness when it includes people she is used to seeing in the neighborhood.

I'm happy to report, that through it all, K3 remains happy, funny and sweet. One of the biggest results of the accident is that she and I have grown much closer. And while I'm aware that she could end up depending on me perhaps a little too much, I think for now that closeness helps us navigate the next steps for both of us.

I love that kid.

AG out

In which our path is revealed

Our original path of diagnosis for K3 led us from the very helpful Dr. M who referred us to the university and a lovely neurologist who, having insufficient documentation to make a diagnosis, referred us for testing at an autism center which is an off shoot of the university's autism testing and treatment center.

I spoke with the doctoral student who will be evaluating K3 and several items came to light...

• We don't just need a diagnosis, but actual testing scores for IQ etc, if we hope to become eligible for state services.
• The state disability folks in my county refer kids to her already for testing. She's likely good at her work and her report will carry a lot of weight/be indisputable.
• After a long phone conversation, she indicated that she wouldn't be surprised that K3 likely has autism but that isn't sufficient for state services. She will need to be retarded as well. It is the combination of autism and mental retardation (low IQ) that makes a person eligible for state services.
• They don't take insurance. We will have to pay out-of-pocket for K3's evaluation and testing. A minimum of 10 hours of intake and testing and the same number of hours in report writing plus the closing session with us, two additional hours. payment for individual testing days will be due at each of the 4-5 appoints needed.

I've talked to The Old Goat about all of this and yes, he is (as always) the voice of reason. We have to do it, we'll worry about the money later.

I talked to K2 about it and her eyes glazed over.

I finally talked to K3 about it and she got that panicked look in her eyes. Other than the initial 1.5 hour intake where it is her and I, the rest of the testing is solo. I get why I cannot sit next to her during the testing, but that is her coping mechanism when someone asks her something and she doesn't understand. She turns to me or looks at me... she knows I'll help her.  To do the testing alone makes her feel very anxious.

While I'm fairly certain autism is the correct diagnisis for my little K3, I'm a little worried about the IQ. While she's had 3 tests so far during her life, she was much younger then. None of them showed her to be in the "average" range of intelligence. I feel angry and defensive just writing that.

It is a swirling vortex of feelings... I've spent her entire life prepared to thrash anyone that called her stupid... and now, I'm hoping that she'll test "below average" again... so that at least she will have state services after The Old Goat and I pass on to our rewards.

Life sure has a funny way of helping you see things from all sides...

Digging Deep

Today I am digging deep, using up all my inner resources...

Today K3 and I are off to our second visit with the neurologist, who appears to really know his stuff, to get the official diagnosis on her disability. Gah.

For those not in the know, TOG and I got pretty defensive in her K-12 years after multiple contentious discussions with her school district. The labeling game sucks but you must allow a label in order to get special education services. However, it must be the right label, which gets her services but doesn't allow the school to move her out of acedemics and into "living skills." In jr. high, we finally took her to a childrens neurologist and asked for a diagnosis that the school could not dispute that we could use until graduation. I can't remember what it was, but it served us well. No more icky meetings about her destiny, just mostly appropriate services every year by well meaning special ed teachers (bless their hearts).

Now, after The Accident, in order to be granted guardianship, we must show that K3 has a significant impairment, defined by an adult diagnosis. Further, that impairment may entitle her to some level of state services over the next year or two at least.... something I never thought she would be eligble for given our state's budgetary constraints. But our state has made additional dollars available to students graduating in 2009/2010 and a good diagnosis will make her eligible. This would be a huge move, taking her out of school services for the first time in her life, but services through independent vendors who must show progress are of higher quality than the school district who is not required to do anything but keep her busy until she ages out at 21.

Sorry to be so long winded... I'm just stressy. I'm taking the time off today to go to the neurologist. Time that is pretty scarce as I have a grant due at 5:00pm today (mostly written) and another due on Monday (half written). Did I mention that I hate writing logic models for grants. It is my least favorite part of grant writing!

So... thanks for letting me dump. If you can take a moment to send some good vibes our way... so appreciated.

Yours in stress, tension and anxiety...

AG