Hair Brained


As I was sitting here sipping coffee and planning my day one of those silly hair commercials caught my attention. One of those where the model is swinging her hair back and forth... and the stylist has rubbed it down with a combination of mink oil and petroleum jelly... and the camera crew has two lamps with about 55,000 lumens each pointed at her head to show how shiny the hair is. I know the goal is for me to say to myself "My hair could look like that if only I used Acme All-Natural Wasp Butter Almond paste organic tofu herbal shampoo. Alas..."

What it really makes me think is that most women would buy pretty much any product that promised to make their hair look better. This thought process starts when we're quite young...

I remember when I was about 5, my mother got the idea that I could look like Shirley Temple or Veronica Lake. She permed my hair, and every weekend I got shampooed and had to sit on the floor in front of her while she set my hair. It was so tedious and boring I used to pop my big toes back and forth out of joint to keep from slipping into a coma. And no one was fooled by the big giant scarf she tied over my roller set when she sent me out to play. There was full on mocking. None of the other girl's moms did that... probably because they knew that after a few hours playing outside in a roller set, their kid's hair would be a disaster. Eventually, my mom gave in. The perm and the roller set didn't keep my hair in place while I was tearing around the wilderness of Alaska.

When I was in elementary school, my hair style consisted of braids... braids that started out so tight that my eyes were practically pulled back to my scalp line (unless my dad did them in which case they fell out on the bus on the way to school). By the end of the day, my braids were lopsided, fuzzy and looked like the tail of a cat that had been pulled through stickerbushes backwards. I used to look at the junior high girls getting on the bus with their tidy bobbed hair and barrettes and wonder what magical thing was going to happen to me at the end of 6th grade that was going to make my hair look that good... all day.

Fast forward.... for um...many years. I don't wonder anymore. Nothing magical happened at the end of 6th grade. No ceremony, no mystical spell, no 'hair raising' revelation. However, I did start carrying a purse (made out of an old pair of jeans thankyouverymuch), with a comb and tending to my hair throughout the day. By that time, the bob was gone and I, like most girls could manage long straight hair. And the beauty industry responded by creating a product called Long and Silky!

Today I sit here with, you guessed... long straight hair. I've done the uber fashionable inverted bob, dyed it a variety of colors, highlighted it, cut it so short they shaved my neck, bleached it, permed it, layered it, grown out bangs, teased it to high heavens and sprayed it til it didn't move.

I've also grown it out and donated it to Locks of Love 3 times. Definitely the best work my hair has ever done. I sometimes think of my hair out there covering some little girls head so she doesn't get mocked.

I guess being hair brained goes full circle!

AG out!