Even when he's sleeping, Ben is managing to look rather happy. I had a serious case of envy as I edited this picture.

I am wrestling with a sleep demon that I can't seem to beat. I know, I know... at my age I shouldn't expect to sleep, yada, yada. But this has become so dysfunctional, I'm at a loss.

For the past several years, sleeping in for me means about 6 or 6:30 am. Most mornings I do not need an alarm. In fact, I have not set an alarm since I came home from the doctor August 19th. I awaken instantaneously at 4:30 each morning. Sometimes 4. Once... 3:45. This would not be so bad except I am now falling asleep no later than 8 pm at night. Even worse, I wake up around 11:30 and am up until at least one in the morning. Every night. Last night I was up until 2am. Each morning, it takes forever to wake up and I lay here and tell the Brute Squad that I will stay up tonight, that I will shift this pattern back to something healthy. Each night I fall asleep earlier and earlier. Last night it was right after dinner.

I'm not getting much done. Just the basics... work, dishes, cooking, that's it. I have un-edited pictures, posts I want to write, a laptop to diagnose and none of it is getting done.

And I'm still working at home... although the paint fumes at work are getting better. I feel like a turtle with my head in my shell. Maybe if I was out and about all day, the sleep thing would be less dramatic and I could kick it. Instead, it just seems like this huge thing that's hovering over me all day long. I'm always tired.

And I'm done whining.

It's just that I had to verbalize it.

Maybe now I can kick it.

AG out~