Unsophisticated West Coast Hicks

Headed your way!  

In case you're wondering what spurred yesterday's anxiety attack... In about a week, The Baroness von Bloggenschtern and yours truly will be winging our way East-ward to meet fellow bloggers at Blog Fest 2009. Unlike BlogHer, Blog Fest will be smaller in scale, enjoy much warmer temperatures and have "off the charts" humidity going for it. Not to mention some of the funniest, sweetest women you've ever met. I can't think why they're letting me come... Perhaps their vetting process is similar to the one used on last year's republican VP candidate...?

I think most of us are experiencing some level of anxiety as we pack... after all there's a lot on the line. The Baroness is representin' 604 (the area code for Vancouver, BC).... Home of the 2010 Winter Olympics. As the Blog Fest representative for her entire Province, she's understandably fretful about creating a positive impression. As a courtesy, I'm showcasing the 2010 Olympic mascots. Let this be a precursor to those who have yet to meet The Baroness... she's twice this adorable (and much less furry)!

Of the two of us, I have less pressure. I'm only representing the home of $4 a cup coffee 

 and really expensive operating systems... 

 and everyone's favorite foot fashion... the ubiquitous socks with sandals.

As a footnote (HAR! I crack myself up!), I will not be subscribing to the dual shod fashion while navigating points east! Mostly because I don't want people laughing behind my back as I drag my luggage through the airport! [footnote 2: Asthmagirl's luggage is not made of possum skin. She's upgraded to raccoon.]

So what am I worried about as I consider going off to meet these friends? Not much. A brief survey of attendees indicates that 90% of us believe we're pudgy, uninteresting and poorly groomed. That same 90% believe that everyone else there will be slim, fascinating, well traveled, bilingual and incapable of sweating. I've done the math... I'm pretty sure all of us will be sweating.

My one request to fellow attendees? If I look like I'm about to keel over from the heat and humidity and my death grip on my inhaler is slipping...? Please, do not ask me if I feel okay or tell me I don't look so good. Let's work on some alternate phrasing, shall we?

"The spam carving contest is over here" could easily substitute for " Holy cow, is she even breathing".


"Does anyone know how to do a Viking funeral" could be code for "someone find her inhaler before we have to set her ablaze and push her out to sea".

And the Baroness and I have already worked up our response to any major faux pas that we might unknowingly make... "Well, that's how it's done on the West Coast". Um... Baroness? I think we need to work on that before we get on the plane next week. Just sayin...

Yours in Blog Fest anticipation,