I have a confession...
It's not that hard for me to let go of relationships that don't work.
It does require time and reflection. I have to reach a point where I'm willing to reach into my baggage (of life) and pull everything to do with that relationship out and look at it. Turn it over, stroke the smooth spots, admire the shine, view it from all sides, remember the best parts of it... and then let it go emotionally.
I can still greet that person pleasantly and speak well of them to mutual friends with a full heart... because I know that however the relationship evolved, it was only for me that it reached the point where it wasn't ok. That point is almost always defined by the amount of drama it would bring into my life to continue it... where participating in that drama would be a tacit agreement that it's okay. I don't know if it's an age thing, or just a natural part of my make up but I don't do dramatics, or betrayals, or gossip...at all.
I've worried that this makes me standoffish or dysfunctional in some way... agonized over the possibility of being unwilling to commit to the hard parts of a relationship but in the end, I've reached two conclusions... 1) that closely monitored, it's simply a healthy boundary and one I don't evoke that often. And 2) I'm willing to invest in dynamic relationships. My husband and I have been married 28 years. There's been more than a few bumps in the road. And I've raised three teenagers. Hello? Plus, I've always thought that if my mom had lived we would have found a way to be okay with each other on some level.
This is one of those posts that I've stared at for 20 minutes before clicking "post". "Do I really want to put this out there?" "Let's just delete this and post something happy..." "What are you thinking?"
Feedback is welcome... and no, this post is not a "secret message" to anyone. Just something that bubbled to the surface when I sat down to write.