Reflections

I had resolved not to do any major blogging until I get through this chunk of my life. Like most folks, I'm capable of laying on the "poor me" or the "I hate asthma" but frankly, it gets old. Right now, it's really old. I don't like thinking about it, I'm weary of living it, I'm tired of wondering when I'm going to feel better and I sure don't feel like documenting it in my blog. I know the blog is ye olde reflection of life, but its my nature to maintain an optimistic outlook and right now, I just don't have it. So I haven't been writing because I don't want to reflect the asthma crud out to the blogosphere...

All well and good, Asthmagirl. But in the course of this "stiff upper lip" and "I'll get through this and then blog the happy stuff", I've scared my beloved aunt (Hi Aunt C, I love you!) who follows my journey through Thoracic Park and is a little worried because my travel log has had a lot of blank pages lately.

So today, while working on a photography project to distract me from my lung woes, I started looking at family pictures and remembering "I was so sick then" or "that was before I got sick in the spring" or "I'd just gotten off prednisone, look at those chins". And I guess the conclusion I reached is this... I can certainly suck it up and refuse to blog the asthma crap, but it is insidious... creeping into every area of my life, even my photography and family memories, and holidays... I guess it's just a measurement like so many other things.

Oh... that's when I had my cut so short...

That's when Maddie was a baby...

That was before K3 graduated...

I wonder if K1 was pregnant in that picture...

So... today I bring you some of the faces of asthma... and the interlocking memories. I'm alive... asthma and all...

One of my favorite pictures. Christmas 2007. I'd been on steroids for about 4 weeks and had the chin action, blotches and hot flashes (and pudge)!

Contrast that with my traditional pasty whiteness, circa Holidays 2008. Not on steroids, no blotchiness, not so fat.

Superbowl. Cut hair off, donated to LoL. Just coming down off steroids. Believed hair cut hid chins. Maddie was almost 3.

Virginia~ Who Cares! I was having the time of my life in Bud's Bay. The wicked humidity was gone, I could breathe, the water was warm and the cider was cold! What chins???

Which brings us to Seaworld...

The last time I really felt good. Pre sinus infection, pre asthma implosion. At least my ass looked good. (apparently)

Today....

My hair has grown out from the wack job in February. I've lost a little weight even though I'm on steroids (that don't seem to be working as well as I'd like).

I looked at that shot... and realized I look a little glum.

I don't feel glum so much as I'm just trying to find the well of hope I usually draw from....

I just want to get better. I want to sleep in a bed (I've been in the recliner since August 19th). I want to go back to work and kick butt. I want to look forward to getting together with people and not put them off because I'll probably still be sick. I want to wake up in the morning without the wicked tight chest. I want to smile.

Oh wait...  I can smile!

I'm still here.

I miss you guys...