CNN Strikes again

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Hello and welcome to another edition of CNN, Chihuahua Network News. I'm Madeline Louise. Joining us in the studio for this broadcast are your regulars; Fiona Begonia with the weather and Cassieopia Stardust with the entertainment report. In this edition, we'll also be joined by your dog-on-the-street reporter, Roxy LaRue. Always a pleasure to hear from Roxy!

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In our top story, Senate Republicans blocked a proposal Tuesday to tax the windfall profits of the largest oil companies, despite pleas by Democratic leaders to use the measure to address America's anger over $4 per gallon for gasoline.

The Democratic energy package would have imposed a tax on any "unreasonable" profits of the five largest U.S. oil companies and given the federal government more power to address oil market speculation that the bill's supporters argue has added to the crude oil price surge.

Separately, Democrats also failed to get Republican support for a proposal to extend tax breaks for wind, solar and other alternative energy development, and for the promotion of energy efficiency and conservation. The tax breaks have either expired or are scheduled to end this year.

The windfall profits bill would have imposed a 25 percent tax on profits over what would be determined "reasonable" when compared to profits several years ago. The oil companies could have avoided the tax if they invested the money in alternative energy projects or refinery expansion. It also would have rescinded oil company tax breaks — worth $17 billion over the next 10 years — with the revenue to be used for tax incentives to producers of wind, solar and other alternative energy sources as well as for energy conservation.

 

Republican leader Mitch McConnell of Kentucky has acknowledged that Americans are hurting from the high energy costs but strongly opposes the Democrats' response and says "Republicans by and large believe that the solution to this problem, in part, is to increase domestic production,".

 

A GOP energy plan, rejected by the Senate last month, called for opening a coastal strip of the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge in Alaska to oil development and to allow states to opt out of the national moratorium that has been in effect for a quarter century against oil and gas drilling in more than 80 percent of the country's coastal waters.

 

Bush boring copy 

This Chihuahua hopes that Senator McConnell doesn't have someone drilling for oil in his personal refuge.  She also hopes that he'll reconsider his stance on alternative energy, like Chihuahua Power... we are mighty!!!

Bush is toad 

In other news, gas hits over $4 per gallon throughout the county. 9 out of 10 Chihuahuas recommend this handy trip caluculator which will tell you how much it will cost you to drive somewhere. http://www.fuelcostcalculator.com/

However, if you are a hoping-to-hike Chihuahua, you may want to hold off sharing this just yet. Some humans are already stressed about the cost of driving their gear up to the mountains to hike. And their little dogs too!

Disbelief 

It's hard to believe, but I'm getting word that tomatoes may in fact be poison, just as I always suspected. Tomatoes everywhere are being pulled from stores and restaurants due to humans sickening from eating them. As if that weren't enough, Some tomato plants are actually blighted before the dastardly crop can be harvested. Sufficient evidence? I think so!

 

And now to Fiona Begonia with the weather. Fiona?

Weather week 2  

Am I on? Is this thing working? *Arf* Testing one, two, niner... Charlie, Houston, Urban,,Bow wow!

Madeline: Fiona!

Oh... sorry! I always wanted to do the CHUB callout!

Anyway, I've been looking at this map for the last 30 seconds and I have no idea what's happening. It looks like somone spilled a whole bunch of that nasty kandy korn in the middle of this map. It's definitely not mustard this time. Whatever it is looks bad people. I don't know what the L and the H stand for, but if I had to guess, they stand for LOOKOUT! and HIDE!

Lookout 

I put on my sundress because I was hoping to sit my butt down in the hot spot over here. It's been dang cold on the west side of the county and wet and windy too... Looks like it's making it's way toward this side. Either that or all that green is mint ice cream guacamole pesto. It's hard to say. Is anyone else getting hungry from looking at the map? Back to you Madeline...

Disbelief 

You're scaring me Fiona, you really are. Before we lose our entire viewing audience and have to start running Texaco ads to stay affloat, lets go to our dog-on-the-street, Roxy LaRue. Roxy!

Roxy

Roxy LaRue here. I'm not taking this assignment again without some sunscreen. I'm starting to get spotty for goodness sake. It'll take days for my skin to recover. And the sand in my paws...

Madeline: Roxy!

[sigh] Roxy LaRue here with your health and beauty segment. Many humans are off to the beach this time of year, and one of the things they typically worry about is their feet. Something about them being dry and scaly and unattractive. I don't pay much attention but then I heard them talking about this...

 Roxy pedi

People, people, people... even dogs know you don't do this to yourselves. Unless you have blocks of cheese for feet, you should not use this. This is bad and wrong. This is how you get a chewed up foot. If this is how you treat your feet, don't be surprised when your dog pretends not to hear you when you call. We don't want you attacking our feet with it!

Let's all repeat the pledge:

"Eggs are for food, not foot torture"

Excellent!

Finally... I offer up my own lovely paws as evidence. Does this look like I need a shave?

Roxy feet

 

Roxy LaRue, signing off... back to you Madeline!

MAKEUP!!! I need moisture, people! Quickly, Quickly!

Bored2

[sigh] Thanks Roxy for that awesome dog-on-the-beach story. I think we all feel a little safter thanks to your intrepid reporting skills.

Let's wrap it up with our entertainment reporter... Casseopia Stardust. Cassie! You're on.

Unhappy cassie

No, I'm not on. I'm not on at all. I'm off! Off the scale angry!

Did you know that Hilary Duff's Chihuahua has her own Blog. I kid you not. I do not have my own blog. Where is the fairness in the world?

Look at my ensem. I am at least as lovely as Hilary, let alone her Chihuahua... yet here I am stuck in a newsroom, chewing on stale rawhide at all hours trying to maintain my figure and crank out the occasional review. For what?

Kiss my

From now on, I'm going to be working on a Chihuahua Recognition Alternate Plan. That's right... CRAP!

If my CRAP is good enough, I'll have my own show within a week... a month tops! I am now all about the CRAP. You know... getting your CRAP to measure up! I'm going to have the best CRAP in town.

I'm going to go change back into something comfortable and eat some meatballs. Cassie, signing off.

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That's our segment for this week folks. Stay tuned for a special expose on the new flea control products. Do they really double as a floor wax?

A special thanks to Ms. LaRue for risking her skin at the beach. For Roxy and our other intrepid reporters, this is Madeline Louise signing off!