Scottish Oatmeal Boobs

I have lumpy breasts. Yes, I do. My breasts are so lumpy... How lumpy are they?

They are so lumpy, they've been compared to Scottish oatmeal. The lumps are so large, they've used them to bounce messages to the space shuttle.

I know you're thinking "Geez Asthmagirl! Why are you telling us this?"

Because... Let me tell you a story.... Back when I first got asthma I had some bizarre notion that I could ride my bike enough that it would go away... mostly. This was foolish and Dr. M told me to get over myself. However I was a bit of a bike fanatic for a while. I cruised bike websites, I fantasized about riding my bike from Seattle to Portland. I was a nut.

About a year after one diagnosis, I found a rather large lump in my breast. I believe the term is HAL (Huge Ass Lump). It turned out to be a cyst, which we only figured out after I failed two mammograms and an ultrasound. The discovery process took about 2 weeks that first time, and was littered with ugly conversations between myself and TOG regarding my remaining time on the planet. We did not know what the outcome of all the tests would be and while you hope the techs will look at their machines and say... "it's nothing". The truth is they don't know either. And then they tell you what it is and you get it drained ("OW") and the bruise heals and life goes on until you fail the next mammogram, etc. Now I have to have my mammo's downtown at Cancer Care. That is where everything happens in real time and if a lump is found, it's dealt with pronto. Going there is an eye opener. You feel like a fraud. You want to explain to people in the hallways about your oatmeal boobs and the HAL because many of the folks you see are VERY ill. 

On a side note: I've tried to make boob smashing appts. elsewhere and apparently they put a tracking device in your boobs that lets the folks on the other end of the phone know about your oatmeal boobs... "Oh, I'm sorry, you have HAL. You need to be seen downtown". Crap. This last year I had 4 HAL's. I won't even tell you how that resolved... Let's just say it together "OW"!

I spoke with my beloved aunt about this (Hi AC!) and she said she had Scottish boobs also. The unfortunate thing is she also had Breast Cancer two years ago. Although there's no link between lumpy boobs and cancer, I do worry especially since AC has adult onset asthma as well. We're chest buddies!

The reason that I'm telling you all this is because one of the websites I used to absorb daily was Fatty's. Fatty started cycling to lose weight. Fatty could ride a lot further than I could. Fatty was funny. He understood how two cyclists lie to each other about how they're not tired and could ride much further. I loved Fatty. I tried some of the rides he'd been on and they kicked my butt. Then Fatty moved away to Utah. I found Fatty this last week and I learned that Fatty's wife, Susan had Scottish breasts also. Unfortunately, Fatty's wife has been fighting breast cancer for 4 years now and things look pretty tough right now. If you could go to Fatty's site and leave her some love, I know they'd appreciate it.

Asthmagirl out!

PS ~ if you've been putting off the boob smashing, please look into it. I love to joke about my Scottish boobs, but I get them smashed whenever the boob guys tell me to....just to be safe.