What's the news across the nation....

....We have got the information!

Welcome to CNN- Chihuahua Network News

News crew copy

I'm Madeline Louise at the news desk. In this segment, we'll also be joined by Cassiopeia Stardust with the entertainment report, and Fiona Begonia with the weather.

In our top story, Former Bush administration press secretary, Scott McClellan, made explosive election-year charges about how the White House built the case for invading Iraq.

McClellan claims that the Bush White House decided “to turn away from candor and honesty when those qualities were most needed” during the period when sentiment was being marshaled to invade Iraq and depose Saddam Hussein.

Keep me up nights copy

You know,,,, it's this kind of news that keeps me up nights. Bush lacking candor and honesty? Sometimes I wonder how I can go on.

Bush boring copy

In other news, gas prices continue to soar and many Chihuahuas fear they won't be hiking in the mountains as much this year. $4.25 a gallon is no laughing matter. Hold on while I compose myself....

Bush is toad

Finally, Sharon Stone is cultivating her own bad karma with her comment about China's recent earthquake....

“I’m not happy about the way the Chinese are treating the Tibetans because I don’t think anyone should be unkind to anyone else,” Stone said. “And then this earthquake and all this stuff happened, and then I thought, is that karma? When you’re not nice that the bad things happen to you?”

This Chihuahua hopes that Sharon Stone doesn't have a personal earthquake that topples her villages and causes her damns to crumble any time soon.

And now, here's a look at your weather, with Fiona, the weather pooch.

Weather pooch copy

Hey! I may have put on a little weight, but I am not a "weather pooch"!  

Fiona Begonia here with your national weather. I'm ready for summer, how about you?

Handle the weather copy

Unfortunately, all these wavy lines and green splotches indicate that it's not time to go to the beach yet. Although if you're near those lakes on my right on my left over my shoulder... H is for Hottentots Hot and you should absolutely go to the beach! Um... avoid the white stuff above the lakes though. It may be snow... or snow cones... we're not sure.

I apologize for the mustard splotches on the map. Someone in meteorology was eating a hot dog and things got a little messy.

And no, I don't know what the blue teeth things are by Florida, but they look really fierce! However that green stuff nearby is never good. Y'all should not go to the beach. 

Does this map make my butt look big?

Back to you Madeline.

Bush is toad

Um, yeah... great report Fiona. (sigh)

This just in... There are no records expected in the summer Olympics this year. The air is Beijing is so polluted, athletes will feel like they are breathing pea soup. Mmmm.... soup!

And now a look at the entertainment industry with Cassiopeia Stardust. Cassie?

Cassie?

Im on

I'm on? Sorry. I was in make up getting my nose moistened.

Today we'll be looking at one the movies Hollywood will launch this summer. This one is for the dogs, people.

Boring movie

Hollywood came up with Beverly Hills Chihuahua. I can't even look at it, it's so bad. Is there even a plot?

Worrisome 3

And a secret Aztec race of Chihuahuas hidden in Mexico....? Waiting to help stranded pampered Chihuahuas who are lost in the jungle? Ahem... does anyone else find this worrisome?

What really troubles me is this picture. These Chihuahuas are not even good looking. What's up with that. Were they looking for the ugliest Chihuahuas on the planet so the rest of us could feel good about ourselves? Come on, Hollywood. You're representing the breed....

Worrisome copy

If I were in this picture, things would look so much better! I'm ready for my close up Mr. DeMille!

That's it for the entertainment report. This is Cassiopeia Stardust signing off.

Hard news copy

This just in... Paris Hilton gives up her Chihuahuas. After watching this newscast, she realizes they're smarter than her and she doesn't want to look like a dumber blond.

News crew copy

Thanks for joining us on this edition of Chihuahua Network News. Remember, a belly rub's as good as a hug!

Madeline Louise Out!