Dear Honda Accord,
Have you ever met someone that has a streak of bad luck going on? Someone who tries to be dependable and trustworthy and they are just always at the mercy of the fates? Pay attention... that might be you.
You were great when we brought you home. Reliable... always looking good. And then it started. The curse! The first instance, you were sitting in the driveway minding your own business. I came out to move you and look what I found.
The city crews were cutting back the blackberries across the street and a small piece of vine flew over and hit the mirror, then slammed into the back window making that small hole on the bottom front and shattering the entire window. I know, I know... it wasn't your fault. Wrong place, wrong time. The city and I went round and round over this episode and you got fixed good as new.
Then there was this little debacle. The only night in creation I didn't lock you when I got home because I had my hands full of birthday cake and ice cream. Yes, you sat there quietly uncomplaining. Then you let those hooligans take advantage you and never made a peep. When The Old Goat got home at midnight, he saw you sitting there with your door open and a screw driver embedded in your steering column. He immediately assumed that I had been killed when I came home from work and went racing into the house to find the body. Once I had been woken up at the top of TOG's lungs and been patted down for any wounds I might not be aware of, we went out to access your wounds. The Hooligans, unaware that you were unlocked for the first time ever, stuck the screw driver in the top of your window and popped it off track, bending virtually every single mechanism in the door. This pic shows it and it looks minor. It wasn't.
Then there was your steering column with the #2 slotted screw driver (Stanley) in it. The whole thing had been moved to 3 o'clock. Of course, I chose the most incompetent place to repair you. When I went to pick you up the first time, your column was still wonky. The next time, your window got stuck...down. They'd put a Civic motor in you instead of an Accord. Dopes.
Then I turned you over to K2 to drive. What kind of vibe were you giving off? You let people break into you 3 times! Apparently you were not alluring enough, because no one tried to steal you on her watch. However you let two perfectly good stereos get away, again... not a peep.
Your last trick was pretty unique. That smoking wire harness under the hood... you just don't see that. However, we can't have K2 running around with no speedometer, dash lights or some of the other options that are now shut down. And that's why her safety is now in the hands of your younger sibling.
It isn't that I don't wish you well. I do. But if you want the rest of your life to be happy, you're really going to have to step up your game and quit being such a victim.
Best wishes Dear!
PS- I really hope that you get to go live with K2's fella the next few years. He'll treat you right!