Got Milk?

TOG will tell you that I am nothing if not a creature of habit. These habits encompass restaurants, groceries, shopping for the puppies, etc and run on the theory that all things are not equal, some are better than others.

Over a year ago, my local All-in-one grocery store/hardware/housewares/electronics closed to be demolished with the promise of a new bigger, faster, prettier store to be built on the same site. Then the next closest grocery store closed and that left the two closest grocery stores as Safeways. Not that there's anything wrong with that... alright there's a lot wrong with that. Being the best game in town, both of them raised their "every day low prices" noticeably. Both stores are not what you'd call the best of areas, *cough*ghetto*cough*. Both stores look like they take their produce on a death march prior to flinging it brutally placing it lovingly in the produce aisle. Neither store believes in opening more than one check stand which makes the waits for checkouts approximately the half life of plutonium. I could have written War and Peace, learned Russian, graduated from NASA space camp plus downloaded the Internet... twice... in the time it takes to get checked out in their express lanes. All the while hoping the guy behind me wasn't going to stick a shive in my ribs and steal the only fresh loaf of bread they had which I'm grasping firmly in my arms.

Thus, I examined my options and determined that I would have to grocery shop on my lunch hour. I work in another county and my employer is mere blocks away from a sister store of the one being demolished and rebuilt. Hallelujah! The one thing I could not figure out was milk. I could squeeze small amounts of chilled items in the micro fridge at work during the summer, but I would have as much luck trying to shove a cow in there as I would a gallon of milk. Right about that time, I received a flier on my door about milk delivery. Ding ding ding!!! I could get milk delivered! I cringed at the price but it truly was an answer to my dilemma.

Within a few days of signing up, the very professional and reasonably prompt J. showed up at my door with this:


Each month he left me a bill that made TOG's eyes roll back in his head and his left arm twitch. We had never separated out any part of our grocery bill before... TOG always felt I just spent way too much. Now apparently I spent way too much AND had a horrendous milk bill on top of it. Despite his pleading, I kept up with the milk delivery. It was selfish... and decadent. I could come home from work and as I sorted through the mail, casually ask "Is the milk here yet?" I toyed with the idea of asking J. about delivering yogurt... and then another bill would come and TOG would have another cow (har!) in the middle of the kitchen. I'd again refuse to cancel.

Last week, the newer/faster/bigger store opened. 14 months after they demolished the old one. They invited me to the grand opening complete with prime rib buffet. They have a 3 piece band playing in the produce section on weekends (and the produce does everything but sing it's so fresh). They gave me the employee discount on my first purchase. They handed out free starbucks last week. I love them and I want to shop there forever.

But I have to break up with J... because that was the deal I made with TOG. When the new store opens, I'll give up my milk delivery. I'll miss you, J. Because of you, I've fantasized about what else I could get delivered and left in a box on my porch. I've made a list (of course I have)...

  • soup
  • cookies
  • shampoo
  • dog food
  • chew toys
  • yogurt
  • shoes
  • the passport I've been meaning to get
  • a new scrubbie for the sink
  • more socks
  • books
  • pee pads
  • lots and lots of broccoli

What would you get delivered if you could?