With the countdown to Christmas at less than two weeks, I've taken the liberty of creating an availability schedule for the remaining 13 days. Compliance is strongly encouraged.

  1. Today is my last day of availability for holiday shopping. As of tomorrow I will be unavailable for trips to anything resembling a mall.
  2. Due to my newly developed "lack of patience" I will also be unavailable for trips to stores that are near a mall and will cause me to sit in "insane" traffic.
  3. Unless the tree is falling over, I find myself remarkably unavailable for trips to the hardware store
  4. Particularly if you want me to look at outdoor lights....
  5. Also noting that I am unavailable for the stringing of outdoor lights... or the holding of ladders... or the finding of extension cords.
  6. It should go without saying that I'm not available for prolonged outdoor activities that make me cold... unless there's going to be people with helmets hiking balls.
  7. Finally... completely and utterly unavailable for any occasion laden with artificial scent. Christmas does not smell like pinesol or cinnamon hotties.

Lung shot

Things I am available for:

  1. trips to the brewpub
  2. holiday movies
  3. puppy cuddling
  4. admiring the outdoor lights hung by others
  5. photoshoots
  6. baking cookies
  7. drives to the mountains to see the snow
  8. pedicures
  9. non fat green tea lattes from Starbucks
  10. ornament shopping
  11. Swedish massage

[editor's note: Asthmaagirl reserves the right to make changes to the list at anytime. However, the No Mall clause remains in effect for the duration of the holiday season.]

What's your availability?

Asthmagirl out!